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There’s not in the future that goes by with out somebody calling YLaw and asking for an aggressive household lawyer. Normally they ask for me as a result of they suppose I’m one of the vital aggressive household legal professionals in Vancouver. In any case, that’s the popularity I established originally of my profession.

The necessity for justice and getting the shopper the whole lot they requested for landed me in court docket hearings nearly on a regular basis, generally twice a day. I fought, and I gained over 90% of my household legislation circumstances. However on the finish and after training for a variety of years, I remorse that path. Each win was nonetheless a loss to my shopper; and to myself. I’ll clarify.

I’ve spent the final 5 years making an attempt to restore my popularity. As a result of I feel a purely aggressive household lawyer who simply ups the battle is without doubt one of the worst selections a household legislation shopper could make.

My Expertise as an Aggressive Household Regulation Lawyer

I used to be reactive to any threats or hurt to my shopper. I wanted to guard him/her like I did my household. I believed what I believed was affordable and must be accepted by the opposing facet instantly. In the event that they didn’t settle for it, then ‘see you in court docket’.

This meant that I spent hours, days, weeks getting ready for fights. I had my purchasers in my workplace drafting affidavits, gathering proof towards the opposing facet, gearing up for warfare in court docket. Typically I might interview teenage kids of my purchasers and write affidavits on their behalf to get custody as a result of I believed that was what was of their greatest pursuits. I fought over each penny that the opposite facet shouldn’t have. My purchasers cherished me as a result of I fought tougher than they ever might. A few of these purchasers are my greatest buddies to today.

My mistake was following the desires of my purchasers after they had been caught up in a struggle. They wished an aggressive lawyer, so be it. I used to be simply that. What I didn’t understand was that part of my job as a lawyer was to guide the shopper in direction of wholesome targets and inform them concerning the penalties of a household warfare. Even when they didn’t need to hear it. If I gave them the knowledge I’ve at the moment, maybe they might have modified their method and (not now however) later thanked me for the recommendation.

The Loss to My Shoppers

I didn’t perceive was how a lot my purchasers misplaced. In any case, I used to be coping with the break down of a household:

  • A pair who at one level cherished one another;
  • On one stunning day stated marriage ceremony vows to one another in entrance of all their family members;
  • Someday came upon they’re pregnant and had been about to obtain the most important present life might give them.

That couple was now ending their historical past. I used to be concerned in encouraging them to turn out to be enemies and within the course of inadvertently harm their kids, their greatest presents in life.

I used to be coping with dad and mom spending their hard-earned cash on me on the charge of a number of tons of of {dollars} an hour. That cash might have been put in an RESP account for his or her kids. I drove my purchasers to face their very own husbands and wives in court docket – in entrance of a decide and a court docket reporter. I strategized with them to make use of their household and buddies to testify towards each other. I divided not simply them, however their communities and social circles. The breakdown of a ravishing household had now turn out to be a strategic sport the place ‘dropping’ was not an possibility.

The Outcomes of Being an Aggressive Lawyer

In that course of, irrespective of how a lot we gained, we misplaced extra. In any case, most if not all of my purchasers wished nothing however:

  • a good final result,
  • a relationship with their children,
  • shifting on from a painful breakup and
  • therapeutic.

Many instances they had been misguided in pondering that’s achieved by having an aggressive lawyer. In actual fact, in most if not all of these circumstances, the other was achieved:

  • kids needed to choose sides,
  • cash had gone down the drain,
  • a painful separation was extended, and
  • that couple would at all times and for the remainder of their lives do not forget that their marriage resulted in an all out, nasty struggle in court docket – an expertise which might be communicated and handed down technology after technology.

You understand how I noticed what I used to be doing was fallacious? Those self same purchasers who gained their ‘battle’, later got here to me and stated in the event that they knew higher they might by no means struggle. They’d compromise and resolve their points even when it meant they obtained much less time with their children or stroll away with much less cash. As a result of the harm and ache of combating far outdated the advantages that had been gained.

Why You Need an Aggressive Household Lawyer

Many divorcing people have by no means been inside a court docket room earlier than. They’ve by no means been betrayed as a lot as they’ve because of their separation. They’ve by no means felt extra misplaced, fearful, unhappy and susceptible. Typically the false accusations, distrust, and battle worsen daily after separation. The divorcing associate feels helpless and faces critical lack of his cash, kids, assist, household, and so on.

A survival intuition tells her to struggle for her rights however she doesn’t know the way to as she isn’t a lawyer. Subsequent factor she is concerned within the household court docket system. Now she is up towards an intimidating divorce lawyer and feels much more helpless. That’s why the very first thing the mind tells her to do is to rent probably the most aggressive lawyer to guard her, struggle for her rights and get her what she wants at separation.

The necessity for hiring an aggressive household lawyer is as a result of:

  1. You need somebody to totally defend your rights; 
  2. You need somebody to struggle towards the opposite aggressive lawyer representing your ex. 

Your causes are utterly comprehensible and make complete sense. Your alternative nonetheless, isn’t at all times the appropriate alternative.

You do not want an aggressive household lawyer. You want an Assertive Household Lawyer.

Who’s an Aggressive Household Lawyer?

An aggressive household lawyer is a lawyer who’s so instinctually combative that their overriding urge is to have interaction in battle no matter whether or not or not it’s within the shopper’s long run greatest curiosity. These legal professionals usually are available in two types:

  • They genuinely imagine that combating and battle are one of the best methods to resolve a dispute, and don’t have any understanding of long run penalties or outcomes.
  • Are ego pushed and grasping, and drive the shopper into fights with a purpose to maximize on financial achieve.

Who’s an Assertive Household Lawyer?

An assertive household lawyer is a strategic and clever lawyer who at all times maintains their shopper’s long run curiosity as their final purpose. They don’t seem to be push-overs and don’t bend underneath strain. However they weigh all advantages and prices in any state of affairs with a purpose to use the simplest instruments when resolving battle. These instruments could also be negotiation, mediation or litigation. They cater their technique to the distinctiveness of the shopper’s state of affairs and carve out a novel resolution to each drawback. They don’t seem to be afraid to struggle, however struggle properly and when it’s completely obligatory.

The Aggressive Household Lawyer vs. The Assertive Household Lawyer

Battle vs. Outcomes

The aggressive lawyer appears for battle. The assertive household lawyer appears for decision whereas not being a push over.

Ask your self this: have you ever ever witnessed a excessive battle state of affairs having a constructive outcome? Take it from wars, to individuals assaulting one another, to bullying at colleges, to individuals bashing one another on-line? Do you suppose hightening the struggle in your case could be any completely different? Then why would you like a lawyer to up the struggle? What you want in your loved ones legislation case is a truthful outcome, not warfare. 

Profitable vs. Decision

The aggressive lawyer is one-dimensional and has one technique that he follows: struggle in court docket. The assertive legal professionals appears in any respect choices, applies logic and a price/profit evaluation to them, after which collaborates with you to search out the best choice.

Ego vs. Knowledge

The aggressive household lawyer is usually ego pushed as a result of the ego needs to be validated and win. The assertive household lawyer doesn’t let his/her ego get in the best way of correctly defending his/her purchasers whereas on the identical time seeing whether or not compromise will obtain greater than a struggle would.

Brief time period vs. Long run

The Aggressive household lawyer focuses on quick time period outcomes. The assertive household lawyer focuses on long run outcomes.

In a lot of my circumstances when I was aggressive, the shopper cherished having me struggle for them and having their voices heard. They cherished the ‘wins’. However after a number of months or years, they realized that these ‘wins’ had been not likely wins. They achieved nothing however some non permanent pleasure of ‘placing the opposite facet of their place’. Long run, nonetheless, these ‘wins’ additional broken relationships, funds, and so on.

However What if the Opposing Lawyer is Aggressive?

Many consumers suppose that as a result of the opposite facet has an aggressive lawyer, in addition they want one to match the sport. Nevertheless, based mostly on my expertise, an assertive lawyer is way more efficient in dealing with an aggressive lawyer within the following methods:

  • The assertive lawyer is way more revered by judges and in court docket than the aggressive lawyer. Judges need to arrive at a good outcome. Whoever appears them eye-to-eye and suggests life like and truthful options will come out profitable. Most judges don’t recognize aggressive and unreasonable legal professionals.
  • The assertive lawyer is mentally wholesome, centered and degree headed. He/she isn’t reactive. The aggressive lawyer typically has a mood and is reactive. In a household legislation case, reactiveness when pointless can value fortunes.
  • The assertive lawyer doesn’t let ego get in his manner, so he’ll exhaust all alternatives to speak and lead the case in direction of settlement fairly than battle. That lawyer can really handle and lead the aggressive lawyer onto a constructive path of battle decision;
  • The assertive lawyer will struggle lengthy and onerous if he/she realizes that negotiation or purpose doesn’t work with the opposite facet, however earlier than that, he/she’s going to exhaust all alternatives to avoid wasting you time and prices of combating if different choices can be found.


Don’t put your eggs within the aggressive lawyer basket. You’ll have way more to lose than achieve, and you’ll nearly at all times remorse your alternative. Rent an assertive lawyer.

To seek out one of the best household legal professionals in Vancouver, click here.

Leena Yousefi is an assertive (now not aggressive!) household lawyer and the founding father of YLaw Group. She ensures that every one legal professionals at YLaw are assertive and never aggressive. In any case, the shopper’s greatest pursuits are of the best worth and significance at YLaw, and must be that manner with each lawyer and legislation agency on the market. 


- A word from our sposor -

The Aggressive Household Lawyer – Classes I Realized Being One